Three Australian Local Imams are interviewed about Divorce Cases in the Muslim Community

They give their insights into the reasons behind divorce, measures that are used in order to help the couple and the results of such interventions.

In Islam the marital bond is described by God as a union where both the husband and wife are like garments unto one another. They are a shield protecting each other from harm and helping one another to find peace, security and tranquility within their marriage and each other. However, this Islamic ideal of what a couple should be is very far removed from the realities of some Muslim couples of today. Peace and tranquility are for some couples replaced with fear, unrest and violence which leads to divorce and ultimately enumerable lifelong problems. In this article, I will interview three local Imams in order to find out what are the most common reasons for divorce in the Muslim community. I will also look at what Islamic interventions are offered and will then conclude with the results and outcomes for such couples. What will be found is that domestic violence is the leading cause for the seeking of divorce in the Muslim community. The interventions offered appear to be of the ‘too little, too late’ approach which ultimately does not help in the saving of the marriage in many instances. It will be shown that it is mostly the women and children that suffer through such divorces, although all parties involved are negatively impacted. Muslim communities should therefore, be looking to alternative intervention strategies with the aim being that of prevention rather than cure.  

All couples will at some point in their marriage experience problems that will have to be overcome peacefully through communication, compassion and compromise in order for their union to stay strong and intact. However, there are some married couples that are confronted with such extreme problems that such solutions do not work in resolving their issues and ultimately the parting of ways is the only solution possible. Such couples are often led to seek the support and services of a Muslim Imam, who is usually the last port of call before marriage dissolution. I interviewed three local Imams concerning such issues and asked them what the top three reasons for divorce were in the Muslim community. The first of the Imam’s is Doctor Salih Yucel, with over thirty years of experience, he believes that the number one cause for divorce in the Muslim community is Drug, Alcohol and gambling related domestic violence followed by culture clashes and parental interventions (Salih Yucel, Zoom Meeting/Email, September 7, 2021). The second Imam interviewed, Riad Galil, says that the number one reason for divorce in the Muslim community is related to an incompatibility (clash of personalities) which leads to domestic violence. Subsequently he says that differing backgrounds as well as immaturity take the second and third places of why divorces are sought (Riad Galil, Email, September 18, 2021). Finally, from the board of Imams Victoria, Imam Muhammad Saleem says that the leading cause for seeking divorce is domestic violence and he says that this is closely followed by an incompatibility and marrying too young (Muhammad Saleem, Phone Call, September 7, 2021). Therefore, according to these three Imams domestic violence is the number one cause for divorce in the Muslim community. 

Domestic violence is a worldwide problem and does impact many communities throughout the world both Muslim and non-Muslim alike. However, within the non-Muslim communities, domestic violence is one of the causes for divorce but does not appear to be the number one reason for it. One such example of this is a study from Minnesota, U.S.A which surveyed 886 divorcing couples to find out what the main reasons for their seeking a divorce was and what they found was that a “lack of commitment” (Doherty et al.  2012, 453) was the number one reason followed by “marrying too young” (Doherty et al.  2012, 453). Similarly, in another American study it was found that the number one reason for seeking a divorce was again “lack of commitment” (Allen et al.  2013, para. 3) followed by “marrying too young” (Allen et al.  2013, para. 3). Likewise, another study again identified the same reasons as being the top two reasons for divorce “lack of commitment” and “marrying too young”. (Wilkinson & Finkbeiner n.d.) These findings do therefore suggest that domestic violence is a bigger problem within the Muslim community then that of the non-Muslim one.

Despite this, there are some studies within non-Muslim communities that do suggest that although domestic violence is not the number one cause for divorce it is still a considerable reason for it. Buscho, reports that the second highest reason for divorce in her experience is abusive behaviors toward one’s spouse. (Buscho 2020) And similarly Pinto says that “… , the most common reasons that I see in my practice are lack of communication, infidelity, domestic violence and other issues, including alcohol/drug use.” (Pinto n.d.) And finally, Wolcott tells of how forty to sixty percent of couples that seek therapy have gone through or experienced some form of domestic violence within their union. (Wolcott and Hughes 1999, 9)

All three Imams were asked about the strategies and interventions that are offered to Muslim couples that are seeking a divorce. Dr Salih Yucel, tells of how counseling is offered but is usually performed by Imams that are not properly trained as counselors, he believes that if they were they could help more. Additionally, he tells of how Imams rely too heavily on the giving of Islamic advice and not enough on that of professional help and the asking of questions. He says, that asking questions helps the couple to think about what they are doing and about the choices that they are making. Yucel says, that in the case of those who carry out domestic violence, these people require professional help not just religious advice, he believes that the two approaches should not dominate the other but complement each other. Yucel believes that his methods of engaging the couple through questioning and treating problems that may stem from the couple’s past is working and that around seventy to eighty percent of the cases he counsels remain married. (Salih Yucel, Zoom Meeting/Email, September 7, 2021). 

The second Imam, Riad Galil states that some of the current strategies and interventions that are used are that of the Imam listening to the couple in order to find some common ground between them. Furthermore, he says that the couple are reminded of their responsibilities toward one another and also that stability is essential for home to be happy. He states that the interventions that are currently being used scarcely succeed in the saving of the marriage. (Riad Galil, Email, September 18, 2021). The third Imam, Muhammad Saleem, says that all interventions are given on a case by case basis and that the couple is usually referred to an in-house trained counselor. He says, that depending on the situation they are then recommended and outsourced to a couple’s counselor/ psychologist etc. If there has been domestic violence the woman will undergo a safety check in order to see if she is in imminent danger and if so she will be advised to contact the authorities in order to take out a restraining order or report the crime. Finally, Saleem does state that there is only a slim chance of saving the marriage if help is sought early however, most of the time it proceeds to divorce. (Muhammad Saleem, Phone Call, September 7, 2021). 

These findings illustrate that the Imams use a combination of listening, advising and offering professional help in order to support and potentially reunify the divorcing couple. However, with the exception of Dr Salih Yucel’s methods, the strategies they use are, according to them, only successful in keeping couples together occasionally. The approaches the Imams use are not uncommon methods and are utilized and used by both Muslim and non-Muslim communities alike. However, the fact still remains that the current interventions have low success rates when it comes to keeping a couple together and this has been well documented within the research in this area. According to John Gottman’s research, “by the time couples come to marital counselling, it is often too late. It may be a last-ditch effort to resuscitate the relationship, but someone is already leaning out of the marriage.” (Buscho 2020) Similarly, Gilbert argues that counselling is not an effective way to resolve couples’ problems and she notes that there are studies showing that couples can actually end up worse off. She says that many will eventually end in divorce despite this intervention. (Gilbert 2005, 1) Gilbert then goes on to say that “experts suggest that couples benefit more from taking practical workshops that teach them how to get along as opposed to exposing all their problems to a third party. (Gilbert 2005, 2) 

The current approaches, in many cases, are focused on the ‘piecing back together’ of a relationship that is already broken and this is too often an approach that is ‘too little too late’. There are some marital intervention strategies that have the aim of being proactive and not reactive. They help a couple learn how to communicate and overcome their problems before they ever have the chance to become broken and need fixing. Sweatt-Eldredge describes how, 

Studies reveal that premarital counseling is an effective tool to use as you begin your married life. Researchers have discovered that it is a helpful way to improve your communication and conflict management skills while increasing your overall relationship quality and satisfaction. Couples who engage in premarital counseling have a more realistic view of marriage and a deeper level of commitment to each other. These couples reported having an easier adjustment to married life than those who didn’t participate in premarital counseling. (Sweatt-Eldredge 2017)

 Adding to this argument is John Gottman’s research which has also found that such interventions frequently prevent and protect couples from divorce in the future. (Buscho 2020) Furthermore, the Khalil Center is an Islamic center in North America and Canada which offers couples in the Muslim communities pre-marital counseling. The center is proactive in seeking to prevent future divorce by counselling couples before they marry in order for them to determine if they are well suited to each other. They teach a couple how to resolve future problems that will arise and they also educate the couple on their Islamic roles and responsibilities toward one another before marriage. (Khalil Center n.d.) It is this type of pre-marital education that the Muslim community requires in order to reduce their divorce rates and avert the negative consequences of a bad marriage and eventual divorce. 

Finally, the three Imams were asked about the results and consequences of divorce on the couple and their families. Dr Yucel, spoke of how divorce negatively impacted children the most followed by the mother. He told of how all parties faced financial difficulties but in particular it was the women who were most effected. Yucel, said that in many cases the father’s role was diminished as the mother, due to her compassion, would take custody. He told of how this made it very difficult for the mother to remarry. Yucel, said that men were the ones who mostly remarried but they in most cases did not go on to have happy lives. (Salih Yucel, Zoom meeting/Email, September 7, 2021) Imam Galil, said that for those who divorce, usually there is a bitterness that prevails. He says that the men and children do suffer but the women are the ones who suffer the most. Men go on to marry and eventually get over their bitterness when they have a new family. Women usually don’t remarry and stay with the children and work to exhaustion not usually returning to a normal life. (Riad Galil, Email, September 18, 2021) Finally, Imam Saleem said that the men that were engaging in domestic violence, will go on in some instances to abuse a future wife too. However, he did state that some men do regret their past actions and take the opportunity with the new wife to never repeat the same mistakes again. (Muhammad Saleem, Phone Call, September 7, 2021)

According to all three Imams it is the women and children that are most negatively impacted by divorce. Hamid’s findings are similar to that of the three Imam, he too believes that the negative impact is felt by all parties involved but he does state that it is the children and then the women are most impacted. (Hamid and Sanusi 2016, 21) Allen, says that the children that come from divorced families do not perform well at school and usually suffer from mental health issues. (Allen et al.  2013, para. 1) Furthermore, Hamid agrees with this point and argues that divorce can cause “psychological trauma” (Hamid and Sanusi 2016, 21) Finally, Amato observes that, “divorce benefits some individuals, leads others to experience temporary decrements in well-being that improve over time, and forces others on a downward cycle from which they might never fully recover.” (Amato 2000, 1282)

In conclusion, Domestic violence is the leading cause for divorce in the Muslim community according to the three Imams that were interviewed. In most instances domestic violence is due to many underlying causes which can range from drug to alcohol abuse as well as to psychological problems that may be present due to one’s past. Although, all members of a divorced family suffer negative consequences it is by far the women and children who are impacted the most and these detrimental effects can be felt long term. It is therefore, in the best interests of the Muslim community to find proactive solutions that center around prevention of divorce from the outset as opposed to the painstaking re-piecing of a relationship and family once it is broken. This can be made possible through educational and remedial initiatives that focus on couples prior to the start of their marriage which is in contrast to the current measures available that deal with couples which are reaching the end of theirs.

Bibliography

Allen, Elizabeth S, Howard J. Markman, Galena K. Rhoades, Shelby B. Scott, Scott M. Stanley. 2013. “Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education.” Couple Family Psychol 2 (2): 131-145. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037%2Fa0032025.

Amato, Paul R. 2000. “The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 62, no. 4 (November): 1269-1287. https://www-jstor-org.ezproxy.csu.edu.au/stable/1566735?seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents

Buscho, Ann G. 2020. “Why do People Divorce?.” Last modified February 22, 2020. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/better-divorce/202002/why-do-people-divorce

Doherty, William J, Alan J. Hawkins, Brian J. Willoughby. 2012. “Reasons for Divorce and Openness to Marital Reconciliation.” Journal of Divorce and Remarriage 53 (6):  453-463. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.682898.

Gilbert, Susan. 2005. “Married with Problems? Therapy may not Help.” April 19, 2005. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/265197420_Married_With_Problems_Therapy_May_Not_Help.

Hamid, Rafatu Abdul, and Imam Abdul Rahim Muhammad. Sanusi. 2016. “Challenges and Negative Effects of Divorce Among Muslim Women in Northern Nigeria.” Journal of Arts and Humanities 11, no. 5 (November): 13-25. https://www.theartsjournal.org/index.php/site/article/view/997

Khalil Center. n.d. “Pre-Marital Coaching.” https://khalilcenter.com/pre-marital-coaching/

Pinto, Esta. n.d. “Experts Reveal the Most Common Reasons for Divorce.” https://www.australianfamilylawyers.com.au/information-centre/most-common-reasons-for-divorce

Sweatt-Eldredge, Caroline. 2017. “Do You Really Need Premarital Counseling?.” Last modified June 14, 2017. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-connected-life/201706/do-you-really-need-premarital-counseling

Wilkinson & Finkbeiner. n.d. “Divorce Statistics: Over 115 Studies, Facts and Rates for 2020.” https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/.

Wolcott, Ilene, and Jody Hughes. 1999. “Towards Understanding the Reasons for Divorce.” Australian Institute of Family Studies, June, 1999. https://aifs.gov.au/publications/towards-understanding-reasons-divorce